February rolled in quick and left me with a brand-new tattoo on my left fore-arm! A little “ink” reminds me of my independent journey and journey with others. Infinity represents our ever-lasting presence of Spirit, now and always. There is no hurry, there is no rush, there is only right now. Right now, is where the hummingbird of happiness and Joy sits. The figure 8 marks where I begin and you end, where you end and I begin. We can come together yet also be with ourselves in Joy. Hummingbird has always been my mother’s totem and I would often see these magical energetic little birds in a flash and think of my little Mama!
A back story about this tattoo, I listen to instrumentals mostly. There is an album on Spotify called “2002 Land of Forever”. I have been listening to this music for the past 21 years (before Spotify)! I first heard it in my friend Rhea’s office. I nick-name my friend Rhea, “the Wizard”. She has been friends with me since my 20’s. She has seen me through divorce and disarray, to rising above, to creating my first album and she has been on this path of life with me as a friend, mentor and trusted confidant.
During my darkest hours Rhea has been someone who has never failed to reflect back to me, exactly what I’ve needed to see. And let me tell you, that is sometimes a HARD truth! She’s not a “mother figure”, not a “grandmother”, not a “sister”; she’s something, hard to explain…well, she’s my “wizard” friend! Ha! And, she likes to “needle me”. She was my acupuncturist from the 90’s until 2020 when she retired from her office in Sandpoint Idaho and then moved to Green Valley AZ. She is the woman I stayed with for about a month this winter. She is family.
During my divorce back in 2001, I remember being on her table while she poked me with needles, aiding in my healing always. I heard the first song come on and it always soothed me. I would hear this song JUST when I needed to and my feelings of hardness and being stuck would fade into more love and more light.
Rhea’s presence can do this for me as well, now without the needles…well, she still “needles” me with her words and insights ha ha, but not the pokey pins. Her eyes typically pierce through any vail I am unaware of and she brings me to some new awareness. I don’t get to sit in denial around Rhea and I’m delighted to have that kind of friend illuminate me. Sometimes hard but true and we enjoy each other’s company indeed!
During my stay in Green Valley AZ, we would talk and then be silent. We would cook together. Sit quietly in the Sun. Meditate. Drink coffee. Eat chocolate. Contemplate. Color mandalas. And I would play my shuffle and the album would come on and we would both smile. Remembering how much growth we have seen each other through with this song being the “back track” of our lives.
Last year when the album popped up on my meditative shuffle, playing the “Summer of 300 Years” from my TV ap, I went into my office and looked at the TV screen to find out what this song I’ve heard for the past 20 years was called. Well…this hummingbird picture was on the Spotify screen! I fell in love with it! I was like, “Wow, that song! That picture! What were the odds?”
It was like part of Mom reaching out to me too! I decided this was going to be my new tattoo someday (soon). I loved the color, the meaning, the message and I wanted it on my left arm so I could reference it while playing guitar as well.
I absolutely LOVE it and I love the artist who did the ink, Ashly from Old Soul Tattoo. She is a bad ass and so super sweet! She has long dreads and a half-shaved head. She had intricate tattoos everywhere and even one on her head (ouch!). She was a delight and honestly, it didn’t hurt a bit! I have one other one from 2015 of my dog Osa, and the notation of music to “Life is Beautiful”. But this hummingbird is the first ever in color! This “rite of passage” tattoo reminds me to stand in my Joy and in my Power! We are infinitely connected and destiny is our divine right.
The end of February was a “sharpening of our axes” so to speak, to get ready for a SOLD-OUT show in Boise’s quintessential listening venue called, the Sapphire Room. We haven’t played out together since Nov. 6th and we needed to practice. I was surprised how most songs came super easily and effortlessly. For me, I was needing to rehearse to handle all my emotions.
Coming together after this long break was and has been emotional for me. There have been lots of changes and I relished in EVERY moment of rehearsal with Mo, Meghan and Deb. I’ve written the songs so, I KNEW them yet, it’s been a while and songs have a way of piercing the heart unexpectedly. Especially my songs it seems. At least to me they do that…they do that “thing” and catch me off guard at times running down the corridor of my life they speak to me in such a way as I know the back story.
You can sit with a song that I’ve written and find a truth in it for you. Maybe something that touches your heart as well. I’ve LIVED these songs. They all come from a truth and a deeper part of me, and in some ways, they call to me to become better and they give me grace when I’m NOT at my best, like an affirmation.
Well…the show was a HIT and boy was it ever an affirmation! Playing early this month of March the crowd was truly good and hungry for some music and we were most delighted! I thank my lucky stars I am able to have this talent and platform. I have lofty goals of writing more and creating workshops and branching away from our usual to dig deeper and create fabulous and touching musical experiences for fellow listeners!
The latest song, “Between the Bitter and the Sweet”, posted earlier with the lyrics is a testament of growth. I’ve been digging in the well-spring of my life’s journey. Ever grateful and blessed for every part of it, even the uglies, even the child-hood wounds that can leave me spinning in some moments. I am daring to put those parts to music as well. I want NO THING or NO PERSON or NO BELIEF to stop me from creating. And I’m quite fired up about this!
I hope you can appreciate this song and all it’s rawness. I had to sing it at least 30 times before I stopped crying, so…it’s a personal one for me indeed!
May you “Spring clean” your own coffers! May you find the beauty and peace that lies underneath the journey of self-discovery! May you sing your own song in your heart and may that song sooth your soul.
We appreciate you all so very much! Thanks for taking the time to check in and thank you for being the audience that helps set the “bar” for my creations!!! What gift and blessing!
Much love to you all! - Niccole
Between the Bitter & the Sweet
By Niccole Blaze ©
2/2023
I am an old fashion girl
Never knew I would be
Sometimes like my Mama
Years ago
My two little fingers
To measure out her bourbon nice and slow
She liked it on the rocks but sometimes neat
Oh my heart gets lost
Between the Bitter and the Sweet
Late night Johnny Carson
And warm summer nights
Oh it’s alright she never tucked me in
I’d dream about the fire flies with dog by my feet
Oh my heart gets lost
Between the Bitter and the Sweet
I see you now, with a smile as wide as the ocean
Is there a way, how
I can let my weary heart rest in your tide?
Rock in a glass, some bourbon and some bitters
Salty tears now running down your cheeks
Oh my heart gets lost
Between the Bitter and the Sweet (repeat)
