This pic was taken “Somewhere” ha, that’s the name of the venue. Janet Wilson took this pic and I love it, she caught us! That was a very rocking show with Meghan Kelly Watters and Rochelle Smith! Thanks Janet!
Hi Friends!
I hope this finds you well! May was a month of pushing outside the barriers of my comfort zone for sure and breaking through fears.
I had the fortunate opportunity to ride my motorcycle with a group called BACA, “Bikers against Child Abuse”. My “big-little brother” Jeremy is a sweet friend (and guitar student) who belongs to this group and invited me and another friend to join.
Though it scared me, as I have never ridden bikes with more than 10 people and it was for 100 miles, I had a conversation with myself about it and committed, even though it made me feel a bit uneasy. I was worried about people being too close in proximity and not sure of it all. But one thing that kept me in it was the fact that I KNOW riding motorcycles makes me feel alive inside!
Sure, it’s a scary contraption, a death mobile for some…or worse…a mamer of life. There are worse things than death! Being incapacitated scares me more than death. I can handle the “other side”. There is a deep inner-knowing that I’ve been over there before, ha ha…but to be injured in life to a degree that would cause you to lose all that you love to do…would truly crumble this world of mine, yet I suppose I would bloom from those ashes as I have in previous “deaths” of this life. I have experienced many lives and many deaths in this lifetime to become who I am.
The only selfie on our ride. Kristie and I having a wonderful day, we were bundled as it was chilly in the morning. Nice helmet hair!!!
As we rode it was invigorating! I was in LOVE with the country side that surrounded our Treasure Valley. The cows, sheep and horses that we passed and the sound of over 100 motorcycles as they buzzed like bees filled me with adrenaline in such a euphoric way! It was amazing! The smells and the wind on my face (I am a helmet wearer- just so you know!) A patch on a fellow riders jacket read: “Death doesn’t scare me…not living does!” Freaking summed up my thoughts right there! I have been a risk taker in my life time, and in doing so…whew…I have certainly been burned yet I have also attained certain degrees of living that I would NEVER trade. I’m sure many of you identify with this as you peel back your own stories and traverse along your own path ways of your life.
So, I did it…and LIVED, and it was joyous, exciting, new and different! And it was for a VERY good cause! We raised money for a great organization, met people, pushed beyond our fears and came out the other side. Check that off!
I was completely exhausted after the ride and we had a private party to be at 5:00pm that same night! I had just enough time for a 45 minute nap when I got home. We rode 100 miles in decent weather, but you spend a lot of time focusing and that can make one weary.
I conked out for an hour! I could barely drag myself out of bed. As I was completely exhausted getting dressed I wondered how in the HELL I was going to pull off this evening! OMG! I knew when we booked this party after the ride; I was going to be in for it. But I accepted my fate in it all haha!
Here’s what happened…I zombied into the party trying to be as “up” as I could muster. I really don’t think anyone but Mo noticed. We hauled our equipment under a tent that was set up for us in a beautiful back yard setting. I thought hopefully, “Oh, we’ll be back ground music”…NOPE! They all snuggled down in front WAITING to be entertained! And what was more unnerving, there were SEVERAL musicians observing us! Oh God help me! Ha!
Playing in front of other musicians is always quite demanding because they are the toughest of all audiences. They can tend to be the most critical and opinionated, watching your hands and comparing your versions of songs! It can be dreadful!
The perfect thing though, I was too tired to care! My how I have grown! “Not caring” allows me freedom to just be me and not put my brain into someone else’s head. I can just be me and if they don’t like it or have a negative judgment; it is clearly their problem. This has taken me YEARS of perfecting! So much energy can go to waste when we try to please others or prove ourselves. Sure, can I still fall in that trap? Absolutely! But I notice more and more my own freedom song of simply doing the best I can do and having that be enough.
Of course years of therapy has probably helped this situation ha ha! But years of playing in front of all sorts of audiences, critical to accepting, has really shaved the edges off and has allowed us to CLAIM ourselves simply as we are!
And because we did this…the show was a smash! I got my second wind 2nd song in and was on on on! I told stories and had lots of humor and did a great job with the song selections and all the musicians came up and were super positive. Hallelujah! Sometimes the magic of music does it and we come along for the ride as long as we open ourselves to just doing the best we can and not expecting too much.
A classic example…I’m really into the musician P!nk (Pink) right now. We got the chance to watch her documentary and Holy Wowsa! Talk about an authentic wonder! She is a sensation! Truly! It’s a must watch for those who can appreciate a woman rock-star mom! Flying through the air with the greatest of ease, singing at the top of her lungs and BRINING IT to every show! She makes me proud just watching her. Also relieved I don’t have to do all that shit! Ha ha ha! OMG! Truly! I can’t say enough about how much I admire her Spirit, strength, voice, fortitude, genuineness! She is the stuff of REAL and I love seeing women in music thrive and excel! Check it out if you haven’t. (I believe it’s on Amazon Prime.)
Another step out of the box was talking for mother’s day at CSL. Rev. Jackie contacted me 3 days before that Sunday service and asked if I would speak. I thought she was joking! Was there an emergency? Nope. She just thought it was time for me to talk again. I thought about it. There were a thousand things I could share since my Mama was such an amazing influence on my life. I said yes because I would NOT have been proud of myself if I declined. I stepped up; even though we had 3 shows and a bazillion other things going on I decided it was best I do it! I also made it light. I decided I didn’t want it to be stressful and it wasn’t! It was pure joy and also a push out of my comfort zone. I was happy and grateful to do it as it put me in touch with my beloved Mama’s energy!
You can view/listen to the talk here:
https://www.facebook.com/watch/live/?v=4010569402390066&ref=search
Lastly, trusting our builders to do our van job and do it correctly with our hard earned dollars! Whew! And trusting myself that we deserve these “upgrades” and they will carry us through to a greater creative space and also provide us the tools to go places with our music.
Our beloved Van project and studio is what I’m referring to. The Van, “Sparky”, is in production to be converted to our specifications. It is a highly detailed project of which I feel completely over my head but I am taking it in stride. The shop, which we are turning into a studio, will bring an ambiance of warmth and creativity! This will be place to go and write, record and gather with other song-writers and be host to some wonderful concerts in the future. All designed to elevate our music further. Putting all my eggs in this basket can be scary and yes, once again, out of my comfort zone.
Ripping stuff out of Sparky!!!
The Demolition! OMG, the man who owned this before us glued and screwed and nailed and glued again! Guess he thought it was permanent…um, until I got my hands on a crow-bar! Ha!!! That was NOT an easy task!!!
Today, the sub-floor is in, the furring strips added and now starting to frame. Talking about where exactly the toilet will go! Ha!!! Imagine, a ride with a bathroom! :-) A first for us!!!
But I look at it this way…if I were to be out of this existence this time next year…how would I prefer to have lived this year? What would I be waiting for? Why WOULDN’T I do this, if I can swing it? Right?! I see how fast the years have rolled by and we are doing nothing but getting older so…call it…seizing the “youth” I still have!
Every time I go into doubt or think this is all way too expensive or extravagant…I come back to this “knowing-ness” that SEES a picture in my head of satisfaction. Our performing will elevate, our circle of fans and friends will widen, our song ideas and creativity will expand. I just FEEL this and it over rides my doubt. Believe me, I do have doubt at times…but my passion over rides these setbacks. I wish to step into some greatness here. On some level! I’m reaching. I could fall on my face, and I have been to the bottom, so…when I back up and see that, I realize that once again, I’m not afraid of death (or failure, a type of death)…I’m afraid of not living fully!
That is my Promise to myself…and that being said…guess what your download is this month! The great, amazing Tracey Chapman’s beautiful song, “The Promise” performed by yours truly! That whole song is a step out of my comfort zone.
It utilizes my LOW voice and taps into an emotion of deep deep love. A promise I can keep, to myself and to others, to simply show up as best I can and to press my boundaries and push beyond my fears or perceived limitations.
I’m a work in progress, so is Pink, aren’t we all?! Do what you love! A tip of the hat to our newest member Kathy! I know you love this song, now you have it at your disposal! Enjoy ya’ll!!!
Much love,
Nicc, Mo & Juno!
"Smile is the sunshine of your soul"
