I’m trying to tell you something about my life, maybe give me insight between black and white. But the best thing you’ve ever done for me…is to help me take my life less seriously, it’s only life after all….. - Indigo Girls
This song echos like a long lost friend. It was one of the very first songs I learned on guitar. I taught myself this tune back in the late 80’s when the Indigo Girls showed up and drug all of our hearts through serious thought provoking lyrics, angelic harmonies and kick ass acoustic sounds and rhythms. They brought back folk with a spin of rock and sweetness of songs that SAID something. They were for a very long time, my bench mark. The place I put everything. Who I would have liked to aspire to in the world of music. They touched a part of me that woke me up inside, called me to question everything I thought was true, and they did it out loud, un-ashamed, un-apologetically, both vulnerable and strong. Such a breath of fresh air back then when most music was a genre based formulaic merry-go-round that took us on a path we were so familiar.
I love this song, and I know our awesome member Dave Wilson, loves it too! We haven’t seen him and Janet in months and they are set for their vaccine shots and hopefully will join us very soon! Yes, we ALL will be getting “closer to fine” in the next few months! Which is why I thought a recording of our version of this song would be fitting for these times.
I particularly have always like the first lines. What we try to tell each other about our lives, words fall short because there is much that slips through the” black and white”, gray can muddle and make our picture of life unclear and the BEST thing YOU (our audience and friends) have ever done for me…is to help me take my life less seriously! Indeed. Less seriously. We’ve all been hit with the “serious” bat over the last year and I know I am really wanting and needing a lot of fun! I bet I’m not the only one.
We had our Sapphire show on the 13th before Valentine’s day. 2 shows back to back and wow, it was such a sweet night. I love playing with a band and having a big sound and celebration, but something about that night, just Mo and I on stage…it put the pep in my step. There was a calmness about it. A sinking into your skin while on stage! It felt like home with all the beautiful faces in the audience. We titled that show, “Go where the love is” and it was exactly that! It was like medicine!
Picture compliments to Francine Henderson - Thanks Fran!
The fact that people showed up to a ticketed event, during a pandemic and after the snow had fallen over a foot- was a real huge testament of LOVE I would say! There is always a part of me that is just so humbled by it all. Just incredibly grateful for the gifts and the positive energy exchange with people! We try to express what we mean by it, and like the song says - give me insight between my limited words of black and white into the shades of gray where most emotions live. Words can not express.
I have found many moments where words limit my expressions these days. I have been writing a poem a day over the past 30 days. I have some that are wonderful, and some that suck and some that are just so so. Me being my own judge and then running ones that I like by Mo, who gives me her feedback.
I realize that I need a much larger vocabulary to express all that is in there. I feel like I should study vocabulary and read more so that I can write better. I think I’ve always had much inside me wanting to outlet and express, which is the reason I picked up the pen and later the guitar. Perhaps a deep need to be understood and then to express these ideas in a platform that others resonated with as well.
Don’t we all wish to connect? Isn’t that what makes us human? And this year our connections have been short-circuited due to Covid. We’ve had to reinvent how we connect and then inertia can just take over and we can think, “we don’t need to connect”, “I don’t FEEL like being social today”; and that is because, left up to our own devices, our thinking can go in a loop, and at times, that loop can become comfortable or really, complacent. Most likely, it’s just convenient. Like sitting back in the stands, humans thrive when we are IN the game, not watching it! Feeling connected and knowing that you are part of a larger picture yet vital to the whole, when do we make time to do or feel this way, with intention? Especially this last year?
The power of music binds us like no other. I have been so fortunate to witness it first hand and FEEL it come through me. I have witnessed others sing to my heart and have FELT it open. That is my “simple” black and white answer that brings me back to being closer to fine!
So I hope you can appreciate the down load, “Closer to Fine” and perhaps see the song in a different light. The character searches every where, going to the doctor, to the mountains, to the children and to the “fountain”. Looking everywhere for that inner solace, knowing that darkness is insatiable and our MINDS create most of the darkness in our lives. The more we can live simply and TRUST the way our lives roll out, the definition of life can never be summed up…so let’s just be fine and enjoy it? Right?
I’ve always loved tearing songs, poetry, and Shakespeare apart to understand it’s inner workings. I loved my Literature classes in college. I love the art of writing and I am super proud of myself for tipping into the discipline of writing each day.
It’s been challenging. A 1000 things will want to get in my way. But it’s kind of like meditation for me, you never know when you sit down in posture, where your mind will take you. When I sit down at the key board with a blank page, the mind fills it with some kind of wonderful.
So I will include all the lyrics to this song if you have it in you to dig deep into these words. Or you can simply just enjoy a song you’ve probably heard 1000 times. I will also include a poem I wrote on my 30 day challenge.
We are taking a bit of a hiatus on streaming while the shop is being worked on. Juno is doing MUCH better, she had some health issues that caused her tail not to wag for a few days but she is back to being her bouncy happy self. And we are oh so looking forward to Spring and getting Closer to Fine! Thanks for reading! Much love to you all!
Closer to Fine
I'm trying to tell you something 'bout my life
Maybe give me insight between black and white
And the best thing you ever done for me
Is to help me take my life less seriously
It's only life after all, yeah
Well, darkness has a hunger that's insatiable
And lightness has a call that's hard to hear
And I wrap my fear around me like a blanket
I sailed my ship of safety till I sank it
I'm crawling on your shores
And I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountains
There's more than one answer to these questions
Pointing me in a crooked line
And the less I seek my source for some definitive
(The less I seek my source)
Closer I am to fine, yeah
Closer I am to fine, yeah
And I went to see the doctor of philosophy
With a poster of Rasputin and a beard down to his knee
He never did marry or see a B-grade movie
He graded my performance, he said he could see through me
I spent four years prostrate to the higher mind
Got my paper and I was free
And I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountains
There's more than one answer to these questions
Pointing me in a crooked line
And the less I seek my source for some definitive
(The less I seek my source)
Closer I am to fine, yeah
Closer I am to fine, yeah
I stopped by the bar at 3 A.M.
To seek solace in a bottle or possibly a friend
And I woke up with a headache like my head against a board
Twice as cloudy as I'd been the night before
And I went in seeking clarity
I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountains
We go to the doctor, we go to the mountains
We look to the children, we drink from the fountain
Yeah, we go to the Bible, we go through the workout
We read up on revival, we stand up for the lookout
There's more than one answer to these questions
Pointing me in a crooked line
And the less I seek my source for some definitive
(The less I seek my source)
Closer I am to fine
Closer I am to fine
Closer I am to fine, yeah
Songwriters: E. Saliers
Day 4: Jan. 29th 2021
Niccole Blaze
My days are constructed of menial tasks
Some I find a drag and others a blast
Like washing a dog or running to the market
Then there is calling the vacuum seller
So I can get to work on this carpet.
Papers and pictures and stuff that piles up
Trying to make the time, get organized with my stuff.
It’s no easy job, I’ve been around over 50 years!
It’s no wonder there are messes, needed to be cleared!
What do you do with an old card from a friend?
Saver the sweetness, then through it in the can!?
And going back to my young self, and reading words she had said
While the same needs and wants, still meander in my head
A kid that needed love then, and also needs love now
But I’m not a kid any longer, yet still feel like one somehow.
I am the same but changed, with years over time
I still like to write, I still like to rhyme.
I have an older layer, but I still have that core
It’s who I came in as, and leave for heaven’s door
This is if I get to heaven, it’s all a mystery
And this life that has many lives, in these old pictures I see.
I have had many deaths, but also many births.
It’s the miracle of lifetimes, being here on Earth.
So I clean and I straighten and I do the best I can.
All these little scraps, make up who I am!
