Dear Friends,
I have been on a roll this year with prompt blogs and downloads added the 1st of every month. Yet THIS month…OUR month…Rocktober, I fell off that streak; my apologies.
My world got rocked the tail end of September. Some of you know that my father had suffered from a mini-stroke. I found this out about 30 minutes before our #25 love stream that Thursday. This news made it a challenge to play, but the news that came the next day was worse. Pancreatic Cancer, spread to his liver. Damn!
He’s been trucking along, able bodied, has a new love in his life, ready to live another 100 years! He’s 89.5 years old. Two weeks prior from all this happening, I bought him a 2021 calendar! Ready to plan his 90th birthday, not thinking for a second he would be taken out before that time.
The odds of him making it to MY birthday (Oct. 26th) will be a huge accomplishment at the rate he is going now. Mo and I are packed up now and ready to take off early tomorrow, after the slew of appointments that I have today and a final outdoor show at the Sandbar. We’ve cancelled a few shows at the end of our season, which is a bummer, but I need to be up there with him. If I can walk him to the “door”, I will.
My head has been riddled with all sorts of thoughts and emotions. His life and my time with him is flashing before me. I have cried my eyeballs out quite a few times, and my dreams are consumed with his sweet face. Oh how I don’t want it to be true, but life flows in a circular motion.
My heart hurts for the dreams of his new partner NOT coming true, my heart hurts for so much right now. I lost my mom suddenly back in 2002, she had heart attack which took her instantly and we were all devastated. The take away from her death is that even though I can’t get to hug her, look her in the eyes or speak to her face to face…I still communicate with her all the time.
I find myself thinking of her and her little voice pops in my head and in some ways, our relationship has gotten closer since she’s parted. She sees all of me now from where she sits. She has guided me in many ways and has even saved my life once or twice. (Another long story, remind me to tell you).
Anyway, it may sound crazy to some of you, but I have a STRONG FAITH. It’s not wrapped around any religious dogma, but it’s a powerful knowingness that transcends our worldly language. Perhaps it’s only a thing that makes me feel better, yet…it feels much stronger than that.
I have a knowingness that we see people (and pets) we love again, regardless of expiration. That our souls and spirits never really die. And this transition is another “chapter” of a life; a life well lived. My father is being called back again, and mom is waiting on the other side for him. I gotta believe that.
Now, some of you can relate to this topic. To some, it might be morbid. But if we can’t explore death, we can’t live deeply. And I’ve made the agreement to live deeply in this life; I am strong enough to FEEL all of my pain to its entirety. That is an ingredient that comes out now and then in my music. That is why sometimes a tear might stroll down a face or two in the crowd, or these days…my own face.
The next few weeks are going to be a ride…and it’s like walking into an ocean. It’s going to knock me on my ass, but I know that I can swim. I have to trust my body, and my spirit.
And I look at the world right now. So many people in strife, fighting, and the disregard for peace; the election is creeping up, people are riddled with anxiety about it (and rightfully so). The tally of deaths from this awful Covid; 215,000+ (just in the US) and counting! My God…would I have ever thought I’d see a day? Did YOU ever think you would be seeing this shit?!
Faith comes back to me folks, and whispers in my ear…LOVE is stronger than HATE, generosity, kindness and caring is contagious, it make us feel better then rudeness, bullying, and righteousness.
My faith tells me, “The pendulum ALWAYS swings back”. The pendulum of Joy vs. Sorrow…or with any opposites really, is in constant motion and WILL come back around, like the LAW of gravity; it’s just the way things work. And yes, it could get worse and swing even further towards an unfavorable side…but knowing the good of people, the beauty of this planet, the power of the Universe, we shall return to a more peaceful BETTER world at some point because of all these things going on now.
That is why I thought the song, “Make You Feel My Love” was a perfect fit for this month’s Mp3 download. Now, I just learned it, and I’ve only have the time for a basic recording (no Mo, meow!) so, a little forgiveness for that and my tardy blog ha ha! I would like to dedicate this song to Janie B, our newest member from Ohio! Janie found us through Cheryl Wheeler and I absolutely LOVE the story and thank Cheryl for sending her looking for “Ghandi Buddha” on the world wide net and discovering us! How fun! See…the Universe is good…it’s filled with Janie B’s. ;-) Thanks for suggesting this song Janie!
Hang in there folks, let’s walk into the ocean (“the storm is raging on a rolling sea”) and trust ourselves! Much love to you all!!!
Niccole, Mo, and Juno
One Step at a time….
